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Comparing Yourself to Copperfield

Comparing Yourself to Copperfield A Morale-Raising Analysis


I think most magicians at one time or another fantasize about being a world-famous magician, traveling all over the world being paid to push boxes filled with beautiful, scantily-clad women around the stage. That's right - you probably spend way too much of your free time comparing yourself to David Copperfield.


Well, the good news is that you probably have far more in common with DC than you imagine. For your own self esteem, it is probably a good idea to focus on what you have in common - while at the same time being aware of what you don't have in common. The following list focuses on the similarities while subtly reminding you of the minor differences.


In Common - You both like Claudia Schiffer.

Not in Common - You like her from a distance due to the restraining order.


In Common - You both have a full head of hair.

Not in Common - Yours is on your back.


In Common - You both use big cats in your act.

Not in Common - Yours is the guy you pay to watch your car while you do the show.


In Common - You both perform for large audiences.
Not in Common - DC has never been to a Weight-Watchers meeting.

In Common - You both have a lot of digits in your paycheck.
Not in Common - Yours are to the right of the decimal point.

In Common - You've both been getting a lot of press lately.
Not in Common - Yours is delivered every morning.


In Common - You both have beautiful babes hanging on you.

Not in Common - Your babe has a pimp.


In Common - Each of you makes a large deposit at the bank every month.

Not in Common - His room has large safety deposit boxes. Yours has small cups.


In Common - You both like to strike a pose as wind passes through your hair.

Not in Common - Your hare likes to pass wind.


In Common - You've both had the benefit of television specials.

Not in Common - Yours was marked down because it was last year's model.


In Common - You've both performed at the White House.

Not in Common - Yours had a moon on the door.


In Common - You own a home and a warehouse

Not in Common - Your home is a warehouse.


In Common - You both have beautiful women chasing after you

Not in Common - Yours just want their purse back


In Common - You both feature a zombie in your show

Not in Common - You're the zombie


In Common - You've both love illusions involving snow.

Not in Common - You made it turn yellow.


There you have it. So, as you go about your everyday life, you realize that you are just one line away from being a multi-million dollar, cranium-covered, professional magician. Just keep that in mind today as you shovel the bottom of the elephant exhibit. In fact, proximity to large livestock is yet another thing you have in common. Are the similarities amazing, or what?

                               Copyright 1990, 1995 by Steven L. Beam


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